I never win...

That's a huge disappointment. I enter contests a lot. I work as hard as I can in hopes that I'll be one of the many who entered who get something out of it. Recently Ergo was doing a giveaway on their facebook page. For the month of August they were giving away an Ergo a day. I had high hopes for this contest. I needed a carrier now that Alice is living with us. Well August has gone by and I don't have an Ergo. There are thirty people with a free Ergo, but I am not one of them.

That's disappointing. Ergos are expensive and I can't afford one. I needed one. I was betting on my luck. I mean certainly I needed an Ergo more than all those other women who entered. But the odds were not in my favor. It's so disheartening to lose.

I've come to realize though, I am not a loser. There are many things that I've won in life. I didn't need to enter a contest to win them either. I have a beautiful daughter that I can afford to meet her needs. I have a space to live where I can be comfortable. I have clothing that fits and is clean. Somewhere in life, I won the living lottery and it shows in the smiles on Alice and Emily's face, in my husband's warm hugs, in my own self satisfaction that after a long and tiring day I've made it.

Guess what? I got my carrier. It's not an Ergo. It's a Boba and in the end, it worked out better because apparently Boba's are more comfortable for larger toddlers. Maybe it wasn't given to me by the people at Ergo but it was bought for me (used) by my husband who knows I work hard and appreciates that more than anyone at Ergo can ever do.

It's okay that I get disappointed in never winning. I don't need to win. Actually sometimes I need to lose because if I won all the time, I would never be able to appreciate what I have and the hard work that gets me what I want.

I'm the mom of two...

Well not really. Currently I'm taking care of an 18 month old and it's a whole new experience for me. Her name is Alice.

I've had this preconceived idea on any second child I would bring into the world. I want more children but I feel like it would be so different than my first. Emily is such a sweet child and she's so easy to deal with. I felt like a second child would be my hard one. I'm learning though that this isn't necessarily the case.

Alice and Emily have some major differences. Emily is very independent and Alice loves to be cuddled. Emily is calm and doesn't get upset easily, Alice is fairly easy to set off. Emily has developed a way to play and share with other kids at an early age and Alice is still developing socially.

 (Alice is not sure of Emily)

These differences are probably tied into how she was raised. I feel like Alice was less exposed to other children and her parents had a little less patience. Alice's father is also staying with us (I watch her during the day while he goes to work with my husband). His style is a lot different than mine. I am very lenient I think and don't spank the kids.

Given Alice's differences I should be having a harder time and I'll admit it is no walk in the park. I realize though, that kids are different but raising them doesn't have to be more stressful. I've also come to realize that my own personal parenting style may be the thing that has made parenting Emily so easy. It's not necessarily the baby but my own attitude.

This makes sense. Children can sense your feelings and it sort of ties into your own feelings. When you're stressed, they get worried too. If you're calm and peaceful, they settle down easier. They are also more calm and less stressed. This is a difficult zen to reach sometimes though because parenting can wear on you. 

There are a few things I remind myself when the children are cranky and I'm at my wit's end. There communication skills aren't fully developed. They can't tell me what's wrong and that frustrates them and it frustrates me. I feel like screaming, "What's wrong with you!?" I also have to remind myself they don't have a full understanding as to how the world works. When I tell them no, they don't fully understand why and how do you go in depth as to why you can't play in the toilet? They won't understand you completely. The toilet just seems like a fun thing to play in and suddenly I'm telling them no with seemingly no valid reason. They don't understand what germs are or how gross it is. 

Children are also curious beings. They get into everything because they are still exploring their world. They are still trying to figure everything out and without the complex thinking skills, all they have to work with is their sensory. They touch, they taste, they smell and they look. They absorb through the most annoying things. So while I don't want my child licking the bench at the park, it's going to happen because that's how she explores. I can't be mad at that.

(Emily chowing on strawberries we were supposed to be picking.)

So while there are major differences in the kids, they are still somewhat the same developmentally and all I need to do to keep happy is keep going with what has been working, and that's looking through a toddler's eyes to explain the why's that frustrate most parents.

When you think like a toddler, you learn to deal with toddlers.

My Child is Anti-Camera

Well not all the time. She's a pretty cute kid but the moment the camera comes out she's like too busy to even notice. The thing is, actual photographers are expensive so most of the time I just try to do it by myself with my Canon Power Shot. Just a regular digital camera. I payed good money for it though so it should make any picture I take just flat out cute! Here is the result:

Outright refusal to even acknowledge there is a camera.

The few times I get nice pics, I'm so excited I upload them on my computer to edit them on my computer program (because I'm awesome at photoshopping or something).

Then I take cell phone pics which should be outright crappy right?

A little blurry but it's a great picture! Here's the key to amazing cell phone pics. Make sure you have 5% battery power remaining and you need that 5% to use the navigation on your phone to get home later but dammit you can't resist taking a picture or two!

We also got her picture taken at JC Penney. The JC Penney lady just approached us at the play area and asked if I wanted her pics taken for free. Well I'm not one to turn down a free picture though I do question the lady's rationality (my kid was not the most dressed up or presentable kid there). Regardless, I followed her into JC Penney and we set up.

The thing about getting your picture taken at JC Penney is there is a little red dot you have to stand on. No issue for normal people right? Well toddlers are not normal people. Emily barely ever stood on the red dot and chose to instead explore the photographer's work space. I could tell the photographer was having a hard time with my child but what a trooper! She kept on and managed to get a few good pictures. She gives me the online album number or whatever and I head home with a head full of dreams of all the pictures I saw (that's how they get you).

I post the album to my facebook page and everyone compliments on how cute she is. Everyone but my aunt who undoubtedly notices that that day was not Emily's day for pictures. She points out my child's sloppy hair and asks if they can photoshop that. Can't catch a break even if the pics are done by a professional. Yikes!

This is her JC Penney pic by the way. The free one. I can't really help that she has such wispy hair. Oh well she's cute.

So what it all comes down to I suppose is that everything I do with her is a picturesque moment even if my camera disagrees.

Aquatic Fun

We went to the aquarium today. It was late but we managed to enjoy the trip. Emily absolutely loved the fish and such. It really got me wondering about life in the perspective of a baby. I mean everything is pretty routine so she has a basic understanding of how things are going to happen on a day to day basic but she doesn't know in depth of why it happens. It just does. So when you throw something like a huge wall of glass holding back tons of water and swimming creatures, it's sure to throw someone who is new to the world at a loop. Babies are a great sport though. Something is different but they take it all in with smiles. Of course it helps if Mom and Dad are there to help boost her confidence.

We also had a tornado warning today. I was worried that I'd have to drag Emily out of bed and hide in the downstairs closet with her but our area cleared up pretty quick. My prayers go out to the cities and towns recovering from the strike and anybody who lost someone or something dear to them.

Cloth Diapers

I am proud to say that I use cloth diapers with Emily. It started when she was about 5 months old and I just got tired of running out of diapers and spending so much money. I was feeling the stress of the cost of disposables and it was overwhelming. My husband was not originally in support of the idea. He came home one day and I told him it was happening and I did it. Now he loves it. He loves the money we save and he understands how they work and everything.

I can be pushy about cloth diapering for other people though. I have a kind that I enjoy and sometimes I do find myself judging ladies who use the disposable liners. For me it was a money thing so I have a difficult time wrapping my head around the non-financial aspect of it. I have to take a step back and realize that it's not just about money but also about saving the environment.

I also have a tendency to push the idea on people whether it's for them or not. I have a friend who is expecting her second baby and I jumped at the idea that she was going to try cloth diapers. I went ahead and spent about 100 dollars on diapers for her. Then she told me that she had changed her mind. She said she wold take the diapers from me and use them in case she runs out of disposables one day. My happiness was shot down. I had planned a ginormous diaper cake for her made of beautiful cloth and now we're giving her a cake made of two tiers of disposables and one tier of cloth inserts and I'll be giving her the covers on the side. It was devastating. I realize though that it's my fault. I really should not have gotten so excited about it and jumped the gun. She did say that she would give the diapers back if she didn't use them. If that's the case I'll be owning three more diapers and be giving away a fourth to someone I know needs it.

Life As We Know It

Life doesn't always begin at conception or when you are born. Sometimes life doesn't get exciting until you find a reason to live it. Instead of going into my whole life story, let's just skip to the fun part where mine began.

Monday May 17th 2010, I was told I was going to be induced. I did not want to be induced and had told them after they called me to tell me I was going to be induced that I would rather have an appointment to discuss this decision that could effect my baby. I received a call back telling me to go to the hospital so I figured maybe my doctor would just talk to me about the process there. So Monday morning I call the hospital like I was supposed to and apparently they were informed to cancel my induction date which would be a blessing if I hadn't gotten my mother in law and her family to come two states up to witness the birth of my first child. So, mother in law being the anxious grandma, takes me to wamart (I was bawling over the stupid hospital thing) and tells me I was going to walk the baby out. So she made me walk for like an hour which really does no good when your cervix isn't open. You can have all the contractions in the entire world but labor doesn't get going until your cervix softens and opens up a little. Anyways, I decided the baby wasn't moving enough and we went to the hospital. They did an ultrasound and decided there was not enough amniotic fluid and that I would indeed have to be induced.

I had heard nightmare stories about pitocin stressing labor and being extremely painful so this was not the route I wanted to go.  Wouldn't have mattered because like I said my cervix wasn't opening at all. So theck some cervidell up there and told me it could take up to 12 hours. We had time. My mother in law in the same room decided that it was her time to spend with her son. She insisted that he could not eat the snacks we brought for him in front of me (even though I said he could) and dragged him off to a restaurant. Well, while they were gone, it started to get exciting. My baby's heart rate dropped drastically. A nurse came in to tell me that I could not deliver the baby vaginally and that I would be having a c-section. Suddenly there was a flood of doctors all around me and my mom had called Jason and they had barely made it. His mom was at the foot of my bed telling me how much she loved me (even though before this time she had wanted her son to break up with me).

They rushed me into the OR and gave me my spinal. The effects took over immediately but I was still scared. I kept asking for Jason and finally he came to my side as they were cutting me open. It got quiet and I heard the doctor say something about a girl then I heard the most beautiful sound in my life. My baby let out the biggest cry ever and she sounded amazing. Relief washed over me and suddenly I didn't care that my guts were displayed to the world because she was here and she sounded amazing. They cleaned her off and Jason brought her to me and she was beautiful. This chaotic moment out of all the moments in my entire life was the best. I became less apathetic and now had a purpose. I was living for her now and wanted nothing more but to give her her every desire. My recovery went well and nearly 11 months later, though we've hit some bumps in this road, I look at my daughter and am still amazed that she is mine. She is healthy, beautiful and has been given the name I've always desired for a little girl. She is my Emily. My world. My life.